Today is my birthday.
We are not all our age, a life through numbers is not how I want to live. Around us we face the number of years lived and not, the number of people who follow your life, the size clothes we wear, the amount of money we make. I've found myself in slips of doubting myself in this fast pace generation of characterizing and lowering dreams through comparison, expectations, and jealousy. Recently, with a sunken heart I thought to myself "What defines a person? What defines me?"
I've felt crazy at moments, as an ambivert I quickly catch myself blending in and hate it. I've visited social media less frequently, trying to live in the real world and answer the question I pondered. My heart bursts with love for the words I receive from girls around the world who want to lead a life of art and call me an inspiration, but my heart breaks knowing few of them will know the unyielding peace of sitting on a mountain ledge, alone, away from technology and soaking in the sounds of summer and their own voice in the wild. As a photographer, storytelling through stills is my way of capturing my best and worst days forever.
My cameras don't define me, the experiences I pursue do.
"Refuse to be average, let your soul soar as it will" - A.W. Tower
Today is never coming back, neither is tomorrow. This realm of time we call life is so brief, so we must truly live. I've lost so many parts of myself to loss around me. I thought holding onto expectations was worth the pain but later found it was never what was meant to be, timing or not. Momentary joy can be captured through more than a lover, phone, or substance. It can be found in your inner compass, always being led by the Love above us all. You are not your regrets or failures. You aren't your wrinkles and lines. You're better than the person you wish you could be half of, and you are loved more than you see.
Instead of 25, today I'm the teal rivers that I've jumped in, and grassy mountains that I've hiked. I'm the songs that I've lost my voice to repeatedly alone in my car. I'm the billions of stars I laid under in the desert. I am the wild flowers that I've collected, and that stranger on the NYC train. Today I'm the dark haired photographer who crossed off almost all her dreams, except to swim with an orca, but I will wait for that.
just live your life and forget your age